One morning, just like any other morning, Riley Finn woke up gay. What brought on the magnificent change of heart is not for me to say. Oh, okay, I'll gove you a hint. But just a little one! It's initials are Buffy Summers. Yeah, that little blonde bombshell can force anyone to stray from their chosen sexuality. After all, she did manage to convince Angel that he was straight. But then his hair gel called and he was gone, back to the wonderful land of poof.
Forgive me, I digress.
Anyway, it was a new day for Riley Finn, a day without Busty, the Vampire Slayer. A day when he could come to terms with his true nature. There's nothing like a stint in the Army to awaken you to your real sexual calling.
Riley rolled off the stiff army cot, clutching his aching neck. "It's just impossible to get your beauty sleep in the middle of the jungle!" He shimmied up to the small, dusty mirror staring hard at his reflection. Was that a pimple on his nose? No, that was a mosquito bite. Riley let out a hard sigh. Oh well. In his not so humble opinion he still looked good enough to eat.
The army guy pulled on his extremely tight green T-shirt and a pair of camouflage pants. They weren't Ralph Lauren (or even Laura Ashley), but they'd have to do. He flexed his muscles in the mirror, more than thrilled with his rouge-ish appearance. Why, one might even compare him to the Incredible Plastic GI Joe - but, of course, with actual genitalia. ('I'm a GI Boy, in a GI world...') No more farmer-turned-Buffy's-new-slut for Riley - no, that's SIR to you, boy!
Riley, whistling a little ditty, skipped merrily out of his tent, drawing a few stares from the young Privates under him. Oooh, privates... under him! Riley giggled to himself at that thought but remained stern outwardly.
"You!" He barked at a particularly handsome young man. "Drop and give me twenty!" The private obeyed, as military men so often do. Riley smiled slightly. He had such a better vantage point with the Private on the floor.
"Hey Riley!" A voice shouted from the underbrush. "Catch!" A green object flew through the air at Finn. Riley shrieked and dropped the icky nasty blob, shaking his hands about wildly.
"What are you trying to do to me?" He whined. "That's disgusting!"
Graham raised one eyebrow. "It's just a frog, man."
"It could have been poisonous! I've heard all about those awful rain forest frogs." Riley sniffed haughtily. "I think we should all just find a nice clean area to sit down and I'll fix us a splendiferous lunch!"
Graham stared in confusion. Suddenly realization dawned on him. "Aw, this is about Her."
"No," Riley countered. "I doubt I will have any more problems with 'hers', ever again." And then he kissed him.
And then they lived gayfully ever after.