Jen Woke Up Gay
by Aunty Mib

One, fine morning in Capeside, Jen woke up gay.

She stretched her arms out wide, jumped out of bed and threw open the curtains and welcomed the new day.

She went to her mirror, looked at herself and said, "Finally, a lesbian with a good hair cut. Neat!"

She made three calls to a select group of people.

She had a long, delightful bubble-bath with Body Shop non-cruelty products.

She styled her hair with beauty products created by socially conscious womyn's collectives from Developing Nations. Then powdered her naked body with scented talc that had absolutely no redeeming value, just because she felt like it.

She sat in front of her mirror and chose her makeup, the same shade of Candy-Apple red for her fingernail polish, toenail polish and lipstick. She artfully applied her mascara and eyeshadow to enhance her beautiful eyes.

"Thank Heavens I'm not 12 years old anymore, back then I ended up looking like a raccoon when I did this" She said out loud.

She put on her matching set of red silk panties and brassiere. She applied a splash of Tigress perfume to her pulse points: her wrists, the base of her throat, behind each ear and the top of her cleavage.

She looked at herself in the mirror and tried the purring growl that she had heard on Ally McBeal.

"RrrrrRRRrr!" She licked at the air like she were licking whipped cream off a nipple.

She slipped on a Donna Karen cream silk dress, with matching silk clutch purse and her four inch candy-red pumps. She pirouetted joyously and left for the meeting at the Latte bar that she had planned.

On the corner next to the Latte bar, her best girlfriend was waiting for her. She was all-butched up. Well, technically she was far too butched-up to be believable.

Jack was wearing his usual uniform of tight blue jeans, a hooded sweatshirt from Harvard and his football jersey from the one year that he had actually played football.

She took Jack by his arm and giggled.

Jack said, "What's on for today Jen? Are we stalking your therapist again?"

She replied, "Not at all. Come on Jackers, sing with me..."
I feel pretty. Oh so pretty.
I feel pretty and witty and GAY!"

Jack pretended that he didn't know the words as she danced down the street, elbow linked around Jack's arm.

Jack balked when she pulled him into the Latte bar and he saw Tobey and one of the dykes from the Massachusetts Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transexual, Transgendered and Straight Allies Alliance of Youth. However, Jen was on the lookout in case he tried to bolt.

She dragged him over to the group and told him, "Stop being so Dawson! Not everything is about you."

Toby was wearing his stupid, little, granny glasses and a black leather duster.

Micky, well Micky was incredible. She was wearing a black linen shirt and pants with a white tie, a white linen jacket and a dove-gray porkpie hat, just like the one that Jude Law wore in "The Talented Mr. Ripley". She also played the tenor sax in a ska-jazz dyke band who played shows with the Dropkick Murphies in Boston.

Jen got up on the table and sang ,
"I'm coming out.
I want the world to know.
I want to let it show."

Toby sneered, "Girlfriend, Diana Ross is strictly fag stuff."

Jen reached out and whalloped him on his shoulder.

Toby said, "Why'd you do THAT for?"

Jen smiled at him as Jack helped her down from the table.

"Just trying to knock that FUCKING big chip off your shoulder."

Toby blushed.

Jen smiled at Jack and whacked him on the back of his head with her purse.


She smiled at Jack. "And I'm trying to knock some sense into you. Jack, you are gayer than the fruitcake bake-off competition for the Judy Garland Memorial Bowling League during the Barbra Streisand appreciation day of Gay Pride month... in San Francisco. Get over yourself."

"Come on Jen. I would rather get tied up and horse-whipped than go out on a date with Toby."

"Well, that's a place to start. I told you to wear some leather, Toby."

She dug in her purse, "here's the list of BDSM stores in Boston. Have a kinky time boys."

She turned to Micky, "Now, where does a high-femme go to get a drink around here?"

Micky offered her her arm.

"I have an espresso machine at my place."

Jen said, "Let's go."

She heard Jack and Toby starting a tentative conversation behind her.

"You've been a bad, bad boy, Jackers."

"Please don't spank me, Sir. Please don't paddle my virgin ass, Sir."

Micky handed Jen a helmet and they got onto Micky's baby-blue scooter and drove away.

I'm Gay!