by Dolores Labouchere
Her name is Adora; she is He-man's twin sister. That horse over there is Spirit, her beloved steed. Fabulous secrets were revealed to her the day she held aloft her sword and said, "for the honour of Grayskull! I am...gay!"
Lightning and fire consume her; energy rips from the blade and showers her in magic. She points the weapon at Spirit and a beam of light lances forth, hitting the equine squarely in the chest. Once the transformation is over She-ra stands in place of Adora and the changes are striking.
The long blonde hair is gone and a spiky crop replaces it. The red and white outfit has changed to a flannel shirt and dungarees, and sensible Birkenstocks encase her feet. Her nails are short and small labrys earrings decorate her newly-exposed earlobes.
Spirit mews softly and licks at his fur.
No-one else shares this secret, note even her friends of the Great Rebellion, who strive to free Etheria from the evil forces of Hordak. Picking up her cat, She-ra decides that she must visit someone -- someone older and possibly more experienced than her in these matters. She begins to walk to the Crystal Castle.
She meets Bow on the way. Bow (another friend from the Great Rebellion) is a mighty warrior, and also a big old clone. He flexes his moustache at She-ra's approach.
"She-ra...you look different," he says, after a moment.
"Can't you tell, Bow? I am now gay."
"Ah. I thought so. The dungarees always give it away. Well, I must bid you farewell, for I must go and fight Hordak." With this Bow strides off into the forest.
"Good luck, my friend," She-ra calls after him. She continues on and meets Glimmer and Frosta, two more of her friends of the Great Rebellion. They are bedecked in blues and purples and violets. She-ra laughs. "You are my Indigo Girls."
Glimmer and Frosta laugh, and run off to make sweet music together before they have a chance to say anything. Then Kowl, the strange Koala-owl creature clearly copied from the Wuzzels, glides down to meet her, his rainbow coloured ears flapping in the wind. "She-ra," says he, "you are most dykeadelic today."
She-ra smiles. "Yes, you would know. You are a bitter old queen yourself. And a Wuzzel."
Kowl snorts prissily and flaps off again.
Finally, She-ra reaches the Crystal Castle. Entering the castle in a manner that the writer chooses to forget, she reaches the mysterious beam of light called Lighthope.
"Lighthope! Send me to Castle Grayskull, for I must meet with the Sorceress"
And Lighthope, seeing She-ra's attire, compiles at once and sends her through space to the sister planet of Etheria and the great castle that stands there.
The Sorceress, mature and russet, stands talking to He-man when She-ra appears before them. She smiles radiantly at the young woman before her.
"Hey She-ra!" cries He-man, hugging his sister. "What's with the image change?"
She-ra smiles at the deep manly voice of her twin (and his manly boob muscles, which twitch). "It is a fabulous secret."
"Ah, ok," the blond warrior says though he sounds unsure.
"He-man, leave us now," the Sorceress commanded. "I must speak privately to your sister." The red haired woman winks sensually at She-ra as she speaks.
"I guess I'll go fight Skeletor then," He-man says, a little put out. "Uh, nice pussy."
She-ra looks at He-man with a dangerous expression for a moment, then realises she is still carrying her cat.
Ignoring the poor innuendo, and with her eyes fixed on She-ra, the Sorceress murmurs in a husky voice, "Yes, go fight his evil forces. For She-ra and I have to...make some magic."
And as He-man rides out on Battle-cat he faintly hears She-ra shout "Sword to dental dam!" For a moment -- until he is attacked by Mer-man -- he wonders just what that is.