Clark Kent Woke Up Gay
by Ellenore Lilly

Clark got up on a Tuesday morning an hour before he had to go to school. Sunlight was shining through his window, and he heard birds singing outside. Funny, he felt like singing too. "Good morning birds!" he said as he got out of bed. He went over to his window and opened it, whistling. A beautiful blue jay flew in and perched on his finger. Huh, that was strange. He whistled at the bird, and the blue jay sang back to him. Clark recalled this kind of thing happening in Disney movies when he was a kid, but he had no clue it happened in real life. Oh well, this IS Smallville, he thought.

Clark lifted his finger to eye level. "I'm sorry, birdie, but I have to go to school," he said, giving the bird a shy smile. The blue jay, seeming to understand him, gave Clark a final chirp and flew out the window.

Clark walked over to his closet, still whistling. He opened it up and looked at his clothes. God, where did he ever get so much flannel? He flipped past all his jeans and his usual school clothes until he found the pair of leather pants Chloe had made him buy on a bet. Perfect. He found a tight, red top to wear as a shirt.

He closed the closet door to admire himself in the mirror. Normally, he would leave his room without even looking, but he was stunned at how beautiful the boy staring back at him in the mirror was. What gorgeous blue eyes he had! What full lips! This thought made him smile. The smile somehow made him look even more attractive. He looked over his body, firm and hard from hours of farm work. Nice. He did a few muscleman poses in front of the mirror. Damn, I'm so sexy! Clark thought.

His thoughts were interrupted by his mother's voice, calling from the kitchen. "Clark, your breakfast is getting cold!" called Mrs. Kent.

"Coming mother!" yelled Clark. He gave himself one last smile in the mirror and walked toward the kitchen.


Clark started singing as he walked to the kitchen. "Good day sunshine! Good day sunshine!" he sang.

His father was sitting at the kitchen table talking to his mother. "So if we could just get a loan on the farm, then..." he trailed off when he saw Clark's outfit.

"Good morning mom! Good morning dad!" Clark said cheerily. There was stunned silence for a second. "What's wrong?" he asked.

His mother took a moment before responding, "It's just that.... that's a different clothing style than you usually wear, Clark. I thought you hated that shirt."

"I did, " replied Clark. "But, you know, a person's tastes can change."

"Clark, go up to your room and change THIS INSTANT!" stormed Mr. Kent. "What's gotten into you, son?"

"C'mon dad, you can't treat me like a little kid forever. Don't you think I should be able to make my own choices?" Clark smiled at his parents.

Martha Kent smiled in return. "If that's what you want, son, then we'll let you do it."

"Fabulous!" exclaimed Clark, hugging his mother. "By the way, mom, you should wear red more often. It brings out your eyes."

"Thanks Clark, " said Martha, still sounding a little freaked. "So...what do you want for breakfast, Clark? Pancakes? Sausage?"

"No, I'm trying to lose weight," replied Clark. "Do we have any fruit?"

The elder Kents exchanged a look. "Uhh...yes Clark, "said Martha. "We have apples, and oranges, and..."

"I'll take a banana," replied Clark, cutting her off.

"Right..." said Mrs. Kent, giving him the banana. Clark sucked on the end before finally forcing a huge chunk into his mouth. Martha gave her husband a helpless look.

"Son, I think we should have a talk..." started Jonathan.

"No time, dad!" interrupted Clark. "Gotta get to school!" He ran off, leaving his parents to their questions.


Clark slowly walked to school, taking time to appreciate nature's beauty. He had that 70s song "Walking on Sunshine" in his head, and he sang as he walked through the fields. He felt happy, happier than he had felt in recent months. In fact, he couldn't remember a time when he had felt so gay. Yes, Clark had woken up extremely gay this morning, gay as a spring morn, gay as the 'Gay Nineties'. And it felt good.

When Clark got to the bus stop, he saw his friends Chloe and Pete. "Hi Clark! How are...oh...," she stopped as she got a glimpse of Clark's outfit.

"Clark, man, what are you wearing?" asked Pete, bewildered.

"Oh, this is my new style, " replied Clark. "Chloe picked it out." He smiled at Chloe. "You have wonderful taste!"

Pete looked at Chloe. "Well, I didn't know he would wear it!" she said, blushing. She turned to Clark. "Clark, is this some kind of a joke?" she questioned.

"Yeah man, should we reserve you a space on the wall of weird?" added Pete.

Clark clucked his tongue at his friends. "Aww, c'mon guys, I just woke up this morning feeling really..."

"Really what?" asked Chloe.

"Really gay, " said Clark, beaming at his friends.

"You'" gasped Pete.

"As Christmas" smiled Clark. "I just woke up this way, I guess."

"What about Lana?" asked an astounded Chloe.

"What about her?" said Clark. "Well, now that you mention it, I guess she could use a little less eye make-up."

Just then, the bus pulled up. "Clark, aren't you going to get on the bus?" worried Chloe.

"No, it's a beautiful day. I'll just walk."


It was 3rd period, just before lunch. Clark was putting books in his locker. He had kept his wonderful mood throughout his classes. Right now, he was singing "Barbie Girl" by a band called Aqua. Normally, he found this song annoying, but today it just seemed right. "I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world..." he sang. He closed his locker door.

Standing beside him was Lana. "Clark, we have to talk, " she said, seriously.

"Sure sweetie, " said Clark. "What's wrong?"

"It's us Clark."

"Us?" Clark questioned.

"You and me, Clark. It's wrong. " Lana wrung her hands as her voice got more dramatic. "Can't you see that I'm hurting Whitney? He's the one that I rely on. I feel safe around him. I can't let my feelings for you get in the way of that trust. This whole thing is WRONG, Clark. WRONG." She was practically yelling now.

"OK," said Clark, non-plussed.

Lana started again. "Don't beg me, Clark. We both know we can't.... what did you say?"

"I said OK, Lana." He grinned. "You know, I've been thinking about us a lot lately too, and I think we just wouldn't work out."

"We...wouldn't?" questioned Lana.

"Nope," said Clark. "Besides, you really have a good catch in Whitney. He's strong and very handsome. I can see why you would fall for a cute guy like Whitney."

"You think Whitney's...cute?"

"Of course he is. So don't worry about me Lana, I'm OK. Now come over here and give me a hug." Clark stretched out his arms.

"Um...OK," said Lana, accepting.

"Goodbye Lana!" Clark smiled at her and waved.

"Goodbye Clark", Lana said, wondering what signals she'd missed.


After school, Clark decided to take a walk downtown, the Partridge family theme blaring in his head. He was about to go into the Beanery when he saw Lex's car pull up to a space and park. He waited for Lex to get out. The song in his head changed immediately to "I'm too Sexy" by Right-Said Fred.

"Hey Lex!" Clark called.

"Hey Clark," said Lex before he turned around and saw what Clark was wearing. "Damn," he whispered.

Clark walked toward Lex. "So, do you like the new outfit?"

Lex looked like he couldn't breathe. Clark reflected that this might be the only time anyone had seen Lex lose his composure. After a valiant struggle Lex said, "Yeah Clark. It looks...really good on you." He swallowed.

"Thanks," said Clark. They walked together in silence for a few minutes. Why had he never noticed how hot Lex was before? It wasn't just his damn fine looks, it was the way he carried himself, his sexy voice, his....

"So, you seem to be in a good mood today, Clark. What happened, did Lana agree to go out with you?"

"Actually, I'm done with Lana. Not my type. I guess I'm happy because I woke up this morning..." He trailed off.

"Woke up how?" asked Lex, his curiosity piqued.

"Woke up gay," replied Clark.

Lex stopped walking and looked at him. "Oh," he said. Then he smiled widely like a Cheshire cat. "I think a celebration is in order. You wanna go back to my place for some drinks?"

"Sounds great," said Clark, looking into Lex's eyes and returning the smile.

Both men tried not to run to the car. When they got in, Clark put his head on Lex's shoulder and his hand on Lex's knee. Normally, Lex had hard alt-rock playing in his car, but turned it off when he noticed Clark was softly singing "Like A Virgin". Lex put his foot on the accelerator and broke all major speed records getting back home.

I'm Gay!