Comes A Time
There's a faint rustle as the gown slides over my head -- white tuille a little scratchy against my skin, but I pull down and it's just smooth silk underneath, feeling soft and special as it should be. It's the dress -- the dress -- and after today I'm wrapping it up and saving it in the attic. Either for our kids, or just for me.
It's a little weird, you know. One slim golden ring on your finger and everything changes. Just like that. Maybe it's not strange to get a bit scared, thinking about it. You wear this dress, and suddenly it's like you can feel your whole future staked ahead of you.
You'll buy a house and a car and next thing you know you have pink babies popping out of your body on a regular basis. That was the first thing his mom told me -- that I had "good birthin' hips". Still not sure if she was trying to tell me she wanted grandchildren, or just that my hips were too heavy.
You stay at home when your kids have the measles, you bake and do laundry and maybe if you're lucky you have a little time for yourself left at the end of the day, and a little time alone with your husband after he comes home from work.
Men don't look at you that way anymore, because you're a wife now, and everyone knows you and your husband are practically joined at the hip. Of course, what with the pink babies and all, you won't have that much time to make yourself pretty anyway. Mothers have rounded bellies, and later stretch marks and breasts heavy with milk.
Strikes me as a bit unfair. The only thing Xander has to do is to have an orgasm, and later tell me I'm "glowing like the sun". It's untrue, you know. I've seen a few women that were pregnant, and to me they didn't look like they were glowing at all. But maybe that's just another thing I haven't quite understood about humans yet.
Did you know that they actually have names for different anniversaries? Like silver or gold or pearl. Pretty names, and with each year it's named after something that's more valuable. The only thing that ever improves for humans with age.
I asked him if it meant that I going to get better jewelry each year, but he just smiled and said he hoped he would be able to get me the best, every year. I think that was pretty sweet of him to say. He's not -- he's not the most romantic guy. He's never written me poetry or anything like that. But sometimes he says just the right thing.
I love him, I really do.
Even more so, after today.
Today was supposed to be my day. Mine and Xander's. It's still a very special day, but it won't be ours, at least not for now. The dress is going down into a box, and someday, I will open it and wear this again.
But not until I'm ready for it.